The Box Introduction

GINGER

It isn't what you're thinking, unless of course you knew that was my last name, Box that is.  This is the seventh day of 2013. The seventh day without a cigarette and the seventh day I have abstained from dairy and all meat with the exception of Salmon. I grew up mostly vegetarian. I had to ask permission to eat meat if I was staying at a friend's house. This was is in the 80's before the real dangers of meat consumption exploded in the media. My mom just had a sixth sense about it, I guess. I would envy friends whose parents would take them to Mcdonald's or Pizza Hut. We ate out once or twice a year and it was one item off the taco bell menu or an authentic mexican restaurant, again one item. My mom orders water with lemon and no ice anytime we would go anywhere, and yes, in case you are wondering that hasn't changed. It aids in digestion and absorption. So I was healthy weight around 140 and I am 5'10 until I hit 19. I had for two years tried every fast food joint known to man and olive garden was my second home. I couldn't get enough, not to mention my soda addiction. I would consume at least 2 liters a day. I gained about thirty pounds and maintained for about five years. At the age of 25 I moved into a small one bedroom apartment and started cooking all of my meals, gave up sugar, milk, and refined carbohydrates. I did this all without the conscious decision to diet or lose weight. I also hiked anywhere from 13 to 23 miles a weekend when the snakes weren't out. I did yoga. Life was good. One day I woke up and realized I was 150 pounds and my year of spiritual retreat inside my apartment had come to an end. I literally worked, read spiritual books, meditated, did yoga, juiced, and occasionally had friends over for hummus, veggies, imported beer, and conversation. That was my only real connection to the outside chaos. Friends started to notice the changes and I was starting to itch for some excitement and for me that was the bar. I dated, Lauren and I met and it was as if we had known one another for ever. I instantly loved her, but had no clue we would end up being more than best friends. We were both seeing other people at the time. One thing led to another and we were locked at the hip in more ways than one. We were inseparable. A year of adventure and happiness happened and then the drop off. We both decided that pizza multiple times a week and an 18 pack of beer each weekend was a super fantastic idea, not to mention the added bonus of more time to spend in bed. For the next two years we would both struggle with weight, smoking, balance, stress, and more was piled on my plate when I was accepted to Nursing school. I just graduated in December. I take my boards next month. My goal is for this year to be different, better than it ever was before, because now we have hindsight and know what it is like to truly struggle, feel powerless, and lose perceived control. This year my goals are to lose weight, have more energy, find my way back to doing yoga, trying out some alternative methods of relaxation and healing, which I will write about. So I should probably talk a little bit about how I am feeling. I feel great. I have had minor cravings that are fleeting, no withdraw symptoms, and I hope to keep it that way. If it gets tough. I am prepared to stick it out. I am currently eating about 1200 to 1400 calories. My heaviest was 210. I started day one at 202.7 and am now 197.7. My goal weight is 150 to 155. I also hope to have adopted some better coping mechanisms. In later posts I will talk a little about anxiety, but for now know that I am taking an SSRI, low dose and a benzo at night for insomnia/acute anxiety. That may also be why my mood is much improved and I have not had any s/s of withdraw. Lauren and I just want our sexy back, to feel confident and get to a place to achieve our other life goals. We want a family one day and I am continuing with school and she is also seeking her path. This accomplishment is going to really put us a few steps ahead. The confidence we need to continue to put one foot in front of the other.